i gotta carry my phone around with me 24/7 just in case nobody texts me 

(Source: ginberry, via jdyllon-gtgd)

rocksymom:

Home is where your wi-fi connects automatically.

(via pizza)

homosassy:

the dumbest thing is when parents say “this isnt how i raised you” like ?????? yes it really is you literally raised me and here i am

(via pizza)

buttholeos:

i was checking out at target and this guy was being really flirty with me and his nametag said rosemarie so when i left i said “have a good night rosemarie” and he said “rosemarie??” and i pointed to his nametag and he said fuck very loud then said “they are always fucking doing this to me”

(via pizza)

osamah:

if you say ermehgerd in front of me then i assure you that you’ll be saying it again while i’m stabbing you

(via pizza)